Coming to San Diego

On my last night on board, I was in the company of friends until midnight with the determination of getting up at 5 am the next morning. As I was hanging out with Kadian and having a blast, I had a realization at that moment that it was really my last night and especially when I saw the emails from my mom saying see you tomorrow. I knew it would be time to say good bye. Even this morning is still heart wrenching as I see the outlines of San Diego come ever closer to the ship. It’s rather bittersweet to be home and I had a feeling it would be just because after reading my signed book last night. It was something that I could always be happy with yet at the same time, I knew it was time for me to go home.

As we were coming into port, my mother was able to get a hold of me and the call was bittersweet and just plain hard because I realized that I was home and it was now time to take what I learned in life and apply it over the course of my lifetime as new challenges would get posed to me. It was disturbing to find out about things that. I also knew that I would be leaving some important friends behind and it made it that much harder for me to do and figure out because…well the one subject that bothered me as the ship pulled in was, how was I going to be able to acclimate to my home institution again? I had more of a heart. I came to a changed home and it was almost like I was in another foreign country. Even as I write, my head wonders these things so late at night. I am getting ahead of myself here. As the groups were starting to get off, we cried immensely and many tears were shed as we were forced to go our separate ways. So be it. I did have a life to get back to right? Yes and no. I wanted to do so much more actively. I felt that I had always been so passive but what do you do at this point. When my sea was called, I was with my good friend soon to become a life long friend Kadian. We cried and held each other before we parted ways and I collected my bags to go see my parents up close for the first time.

Seeing my father for the first time since I heard he was sick was hard on my heart because I knew things were going to change a lot around the house. My body was fully disoriented so I figured that it might be a good thing to start over and make something of myself. I can try to develop other habits again. There was a lot of words that I wanted to say at this moment. Many words that I wanted to start to say and I thought about it and all I said to myself You know? There will be some things you can’t change. Speak the words of wisdom….let it be. 
I told a lot of stories to my parents and began to be reacquainted with needed every day items to find friends like the internet (not that it worked the first night I was home), my cellphone, my other computer that I haven’t used, the time, no rocking of the ship, and so much more. I walked into my home and had a random culture shock but I should have expected it. The one thing though with this trip that some people don’t tell you is the melancholy feeling when you return. It’s troubling and disturbing more than anything. To go to familiar places again and see those I see every day will disturb me greatly. I will have no sense of myself for a while and even when I lay here in bed typing exactly is running through my mind, I only seem to be able to conjure these thoughts because I know it. Things happened and I seemed to be completely out of the loop. I came home and I realized one thing. Detachment. It’s now a new journey for me to try find my way out of this. It’s not easy. You rush through everything and next thing you know, you are sleeping and you mind wanders. I will figure it out though and this will not be so bad once I put my head into it.