Sometimes I wondered if I had just decided to take another trip, if it would be worth it. Maybe yes, maybe no. Who knows honestly? This semester though, things began to hit home more than I thought they would and a lot of it began over the summer when I realized that I was not on the trip anymore. I began to feel restless, I didn’t feel like being home anymore. I wanted to be away from my parents. Even at some points seemed like I knew nothing. It was hard for me and my family didn’t make it so easy for me to acclimate as well back into normal life. I did at many points feel like I had actually moved out of the home but I never did. I even get treated as almost in a sense an outsider in my home. I didn’t expect it to be easy but at some points I felt left out. A lot happened while I was gone so coming back was very bittersweet because I was leaving the exciting and changing ship I had come to love to come home and face realities that I well….I wasn’t sure if I was ready to face them or not.
Going back to USD was harder. Most of my friends are now in their final year or already gone and I just looked around like, Now I am being left behind. Things happen and people changed like you did. It’s just the sad reality of things in this world. People change. At first it was difficult but now I can accept it and its ok now. Things are what they are for a reason. I began actually to find though that I was actually more mature and more prepared to actually go through Accounting Recruitment and interviews and try to get a position and so far it is going better than Fall of 2011. I felt like I was doing more with myself and preparing myself so much better than the first time. I even got first and second round interviews with a company that I was interested in. I didn’t get the internship but I take it as a good experience to interview for the firms. Maybe there is a benefit to taking a 5th year in college and it did a lot to help me boost my maturity and thought process. It even got me chances to interview with internships that I otherwise probably would not have gotten. I also felt like I was maturely more prepared to handle things than some of my friends who just wanted to get out in four years. Some of them forgot that sometimes a 5th year can help you out a bit to be ready to jump into the job world. I find it gives you time to really know yourself if you aren’t sure where you are going in life.
The hardest part of the fall semester was finally putting some closure on the passing of my grandmother. She passed away while I was in the Bahamas and we were finally able to scatter her ashes in October out in Santa Cruz. It was very difficult for me to finally say good bye and put to rest what had been simmering for over 9 months in my heart. I know though that she is resting now. This semester has been very challenging to me with the deaths of many around me. Just recently, I discovered that my mentor’s husband has passed away and it made me cry for just a moment because people would not tell me. I digress however from that because it is not the point of my reflection.
I found myself spending my semester becoming involved as a Semester at Sea Alumni to push Semester at Sea more and now it is one of the most popular programs at USD if the not the most popular. Most people had not heard of it before I left and now it’s being talked about a lot which makes me so happy and yet I miss it more at the same time. I see a few of my USD friends from the ship and we have now connected and bonded more since we are accounting majors trying to make it through USD. It was a different semester overall and I just miss the ship a lot. The spring semester was really hard because every day I was missing the ship and wanting to get back on it and travel the world again.
I miss doing the hands on work for classes, not being connected to a cellphone. I just can go out and talk to people and not have to be with my cellphone at any point. It was probably the most critical point of me being on the trip. I didn’t need a cellphone and I couldn’t believe how relaxed I was without the cellphone. I never worried about it and I almost never looked at that. I think that is the one thing that I miss the most. I could just go to people and simply talk to them and not worry that my cellphone was going off for no reason or another.
The country I miss the most right now is Singapore because I had the most fun getting lost in Singapore and finding some fun places to go hang out at. I think I had the best experience then because I could just try to figure out where I was and enjoy the moment that I was getting lost at. I also loved the surrounding area and the way that people there. I don’t know why but I seemed to feel at home there and I really liked it a lot. It was always will have a place in my heart. I do want to go back there someday and maybe get my masters there or work there for a while. I really like Singapore a lot.
I think in the end though, what you do with everything you learn and deal with makes you who you are today and while I have changed in ways that I wouldn't otherwise imagine, I find myself loving life just a little bit more.